Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
