I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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