you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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