Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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