Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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