I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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