Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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