Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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