I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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