you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
