im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
