i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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