i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
