too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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