Someone shit on the floor
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I pour the whiskey from now on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
