guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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