I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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