After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
