Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
