I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
only you would photoshop your dick
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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