Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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