Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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