So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
