we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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