ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
