dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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