sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
