i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
