that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want nice things and good sex
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
