I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
