went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
