Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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