But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
