I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
