but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
