She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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