idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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