I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
