do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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