Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
