It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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