Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
