We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
