i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
