Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
