using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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