I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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