Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
only if we run a train.
done.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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