My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
