speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
