Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
